i feel like mr. brightside is one of those songs you’re gonna hear on the radio in the car 20 years from now after not hearing it in forever and your gonna just start sobbing bUT ITS JUST THE PRICE I PAY DESTINY IS CALLLLINGNG M E and your kids are gonna be like is she okay
even I don’t understand this feeling.
This is the end.
I have become so afraid. I am afraid of every decisionthoughtwordfeelingmovebreath I make. My mother scares the shit out of me. All I am is scolded. And only for being a human being. It’s ruining me, killing my personality. I’m becoming afraid to do anything. I’m folding into myself, imploding. My blood pressure and heart beat are constantly high. If someone says my name, especially her, my hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I have nightmares almost every single night.
She bounces between being furious and heartless and accusing, and being kind and thoughtful and fun. I never know what side of her I will get. It can change minute to minute sometimes. I can gain permission for doing something, and then get scolded for it.
I just want to end this. I cry myself to sleep too often.